Is the zombie apocalypse looming? Highly unlikely. But being a big ol’ zombie fan and a bit of a geek, it’s something that I’ve subconsciously prepared for in the back of my mind. Gotta have some sort of plan, right?
I watch The Walking Dead religiously (and attend Walker Stalker Con every year, of course), have played zombie games back since the original Resident Evil, and get a sick thrill from any movie that involves undead tearing apart the living with their icky undead teeth. Yummy, right? But despite my love of all things zombie, would I actually make it through an apocalypse? Would I have the key things to survive…?
Somewhere safe to camp out?
Whilst my current living situation is far from zombie proof, the perfect place in which to aim for should the zombie apocalypse come about is something that has drifted across my mind numerous times. Cos you’ve gotta be prepared for these things, right? And let me tell you… I have the perfect location. About a 5 minute drive from my house is a Makro, which is not only filled floor to ceiling with plenty of food, toiletries, clothes and whatever else, it also happens to be on the river, meaning limited access to any predators. But that’s not all. It’s conveniently placed right next to a B&Q… the perfect place to pick up some weapons. So, y’know, if you want in, get in my good books quickly. 😎
A hefty stockpile of food?
At this very moment in time, I know that my cupboards are bare, my fridge is vacant aside from a lonely carton of orange juice, and my freezer… well, my freezer has two pieces of fish in there, actually. 🐟 But, in general, I’m pretty foodless right now. So should the zombie apocalypse descend on us in the next 5 minutes giving me no option but to barricade myself in the house, I would be pretty damn screwed in terms of food. A final fish supper with a side of orange juice it is, I guess! I should probably work on my knowledge of what foods will last me in an apocalyptic disaster. Luckily, Data label have assembled a handy infographic on the subject… I’d best get swotting up.
Enough fitness to run for my life?
Not even much thought needing to go into this. I am the worst runner in the world. Stick me in a Zumba class and I can go for hours, but something tells me a few salsa moves and the odd shimmy isn’t going to quite cut it when it comes to apocalypse survival. If a horde swarms me and the only option is to run and keep running, then, well, let’s just say that some zombies will be dining on some fine Ashton cuisine.
A trustworthy group of pals?
My friends are bloody awesome, and I’m pretty confident that they’d be willing to come to my aid in the event of zombies taking over the world. I also think I’m pretty good at making new friends in day to day life, so hopefully when the apocalypse comes around I’ll have a queue of weapon wielding, military trained humans just waiting to join my apocalypse gang. Yes, you can be a part of it if you wanttttt.
Some sickass fighting and weaponry skills.
Okay, so I have done a lotttttt of Body Combat classes along with a tonne of boxercise, plus handled a rifle in Majorca once (not very well, but it’s experience nonetheless, right?). However, I’m not convinced I would nail a headshot or handle close up zombie combat very well. Plus, I would probably just cry if a flesh-eating dead guy was in touching distance of me. Like a baby. Nuh uh. Ain’t nobody got time fo’ that!
Meh. Two out of five ain’t soooo bad. But sadly, I am ready to admit, that I would bloody suck in a zombie apocalypse.
*This is a collaborative post with research by Data label, but all opinions are my own.