IN THE BEDROOMThere’s an almost tangible stigma surrounding women enjoying their sexuality while men are patted on the back and congratulated for their prowess. But why shouldn’t women be able to express how much they love the joyous act that is sex without there being negative connotations around it?
This post was sponsored by Subs and Doms, but all words, imagery and fondess for sex are my own!
It’s almost inevitable when you get together with a group of your closest girls over a glass or two of wine: after the talks of work and life and family and that fancy new restaurant someone tried the other day, you’ll all end up stumbling onto one last giggle-inducing topic – sex.
Whether the chatter is simply a quick update on who has bonked who, an in-depth rundown of an adventurous new position one of you tried, considering becoming a dominatrix for some extra dosh, or how much you’re gagging for it because it’s been a hot minute and you’re not even sure you know how to sex anymore, the topic is bound to arise.
The last time I found myself in this scenario, the girls and I started by sharing some of our funniest tales of one night stands, and ultimately ended up divulging our “number”. A number which, by the way ladies, could be one or could be a million, and neither would make you less of a lady.
And as this Mexican wave of numbers made their way around the table one by one, it was soon my turn to share.
“Oh wow,” my friend responded, “I always assumed you’d slept with more than that… maybe it’s because you’re just so open about sex!”
And she’s probably right. Maybe the pages of my sex-life book are slightly more open than most people’s (when it comes to my friendship circles anyway) which might give off a certain impression… but why should it? Why shouldn’t women be able to express how much they love the joyous act that is sex without there being negative connotations around it?
For years, men have stood around in testosterone-rife groups at bars or at work, patting each other on the back for the new bedpost notches they’ve acquired recently, and no one bats an eyelid. Meanwhile, a woman can be overheard with friends exclaiming that she had a great time riding a particularly nice D the other night, and she’ll be branded a tart, a slag, a slapper, a [insert other utterly misogynistic word here].
Newsflash: a woman who is comfortably open about the fact she enjoys having sex does not equate to an “easy” woman who is having sex all of the time with numerous people here, there and everywhere.
And even if she is, good for her. You go get that D, girl.
I. Love. Sex. Sex is great. There, I said it. You’ll also often hear me proudly declaring how much I love pizza… but that doesn’t mean I’m going to eat every single pizza slice I come across in life.
The stigma that still surrounds female sexuality is prevalent, and it’s not just the unjustified judgement and name-calling that’s an issue. Women, just like men, are sexual beings. And when orgasms improve mental health and hitting a certain spot feels so great, why wouldn’t we be? Yet, thanks to the taboo surrounding our sexual enthusiasm, we often don’t feel comfortable expressing ourselves, even with those we are most intimate with. Whether we simply want to try a new position, fancy building up a whole catalogue of BDSM contacts, or would just really much prefer our partner to rub a little more to the right, we’re too ashamed to ask. And the only person who suffers for it is – you guessed it – ourselves.
Instead, we settle with being objectified and put our own desires out of the way on a mental shelf that is rarely revisited. And what a shame, because I bet that’s a pretty fun shelf to visit, eh?
Having an enthusiastic interest in sex, being a big believer of chasing an orgasm, wanting to get down and dirty with new partners – none of these make you a lesser person, because guess what? You can have all of those traits, and still be kind, accomplished, creative, successful and loved. And isn’t that just great?
So here’s to being more open with talking about something all of us love. We’re only human, after all!