Looking Back at February 2017: Absolute Heartbreak, Friends and the Future

Ah, hello little blog. Long time no see.

You may have noticed in my January look back that I was feeling motivated and getting ready to take on February.

Yeah. That didn’t happen.

In fact, February ended up being a whole month of feeling crap, crying my eyes out and not being able to sleep.

My boyfriend of almost 7 years ended our relationship. And it was shit. Absolute shit. Nothing bad happened, no shouting matches, there was no scandal. He just decided it was time to end things and let me spread my wings and start a new chapter in my life. He was incredibly kind to me, which probably made things harder. Why couldn’t he give me a reason to hate him instead?

As dramatic as it sounds, I cried myself to sleep every night. I had to leave my TV on as I drifted off because I couldn’t stay in silence with my thoughts. I refused to leave the house for the first few days and had no appetite at all. I found myself imagining ways I could win him back. I wanted to text him and pester him to come back to me. I wanted to do everything I would advise someone else not to do.

I didn’t even tell anyone for a week, just in case things changed. I pretended everything was fine and happily smiled whenever people mentioned him, and I told stories as if we were still together.

And when it reached day 8, I realised I couldn’t keep it up any longer. So I decided to tweet about it, to get it off my chest. And just like that, the pain eased a little. Only very slightly, but it was a step towards accepting it.

Then all of a sudden, my notifications just wouldn’t stop. I was seriously inundated with tweets sending love and wishes and checking in on me. I counted. Literally hundreds of you took the time out to tweet me a message and send me some love.

I even received private messages from people who didn’t even know me, telling me their stories of heartbreak and things they’ve been through. People opened up to me and did everything they could to make me feel better.

How amazing is that?

It’s incredible that so many people would want to try and lift my spirits, and let me know I wasn’t alone. It still amazes me to think of it now.

My family and friends pulled it out of the bag too. They planned sleepovers for me, came straight round to my house, organised bingo dates and pizza nights. Little things to keep me busy. And it worked.

And a shout out goes to my mum who sat and stroked my hair whilst I lounged on the sofa sobbing, who knew when I just needed a cuddle from the look on my face and kept me sane and healthy on the really bad days. Actual life saver.

People have been asking me if it’s getting easier. Honestly, the answer is no. Easier isn’t the word. But the number of good days in between the bad is becoming more and more, and I find I can smile at the little things again.

Something’s clicked and I’m feeling positive. I’m hurting, but there’s a spark of excitement for a new adventure too. I can focus on myself, my amazing job, my incredible friends, and my desire to explore the planet I live on.

After spending so many years with him, this is the first time I’ve been single since I was a teenager, so I’m learning to live life as a single, home-owning adult. And it’s scary. But it’s an adventure.

And if there’s one thing I’ve learned from this, it’s that people hide heartbreak. I did for over a week. To anyone else I looked happy, carefree and like nothing was wrong. In reality I was in agony. It just proves that you can never know what someone is going through underneath their facade.

So be kind to people. Think before you get impatient with someone. Be nice to strangers you happen to come across in life. Don’t be afraid to say something or do something to put a smile on someone’s face.

Now, here’s to March. A new month, a new season and a new chapter of my story. Starting with a trip to London for a second year of Walker Stalker Con with my brother and a flight to France with Mumma Gibbs.

And remember, what will be, will be. Fate works in mysterious ways.

Follow:
  • Aw I’m so sorry February was such a bad month for you. I loved the positive note at the end though, hopefully that trip to London will be fab and that March will bring you lots more joy than the rest of 2017 has. All the best xxx

    The Frugal Teen | http://thefrugalteen.wixsite.com/thefrugalteen

  • I’m so sorry to hear what you’ve been through – it must have been so hard! How lovely that people sent you so many nice messages. You definitely never know what a lot of people are going through from the outside so I always try my best to remember this and be nice to everyone x

    LuxeStyle

  • Lucy

    I am so sorry to read this! lots and lots of love… and chocolate!!! Hating him would certainly make it easier! xxxxxxx

    lucylovesbeautyxo.com xxxxxx

  • Rianne Mitchell

    Hi Jade, its so crap that you’re going through this, but it’s lovely to know even when you feel alone there are people out there that care about you (other than family of course). It will get easier, maybe picking up some new hobbies will help too x

  • Sian…

    Oh my lovely, break-ups are so rough. I know the feeling; I went through it a couple of years ago myself. I promise you, things do get better. Initially, I was totally fie, I had to uni to concentrate on and then just before graduation it all hit me. I’m so glad that you’ve had an amazing support network from your friends, family and fellow bloggers! I’m here if you need anything, someone to vent to over a coffee or a shoulder to cry on! Love you <3

    Sian x
    http://theenglisheverygirl.blogspot.co.uk/

  • Break ups are hard, but it was lovely all the support you got! Hope you are okay! I always ‘What will be will be too’. March will be your month!! xox

  • Ashton I’m sorry to hear about your breakup! I’m glad you head that you are starting to have more good days, and I hope those good days continue to increase. It sounds like you have an amazing support system! Here’s to March being a better month for you! Enjoy London and France

    Lauren | Lauren the Daydreamer

  • ADoseOfChatter

    This was such a heartfelt post, thank you for sharing. sorry you had to go through a break up, but I hope you’re starting to feel better now ❤️ Glad you’ve had so much support and love, we’re all here for you!

    Lots of love Izzy | http://www.ADoseOfChatter.com

  • Glad to here you’re feeling a bit better about it now! When my four and a half year relationship ended I didn’t know what to do with myself at all, but eventually something just clicked. I began to love the new ‘freedom’ that I had in the sense that I could do whatever I wanted without having to think about anyone else. There’s nothing wrong with still being sad about it though and still having down days, it obviously takes time to get over such a long relationship.

  • Erica Price

    Sorry to hear about your breakup. It will take some time I’m sure to get over it. I am still coping with the breakup of my marriage from a few months ago. Stay strong.

  • What a heartfelt post, hats off for sharing. I’m sorry to hear about the break up, keep your chin up and I’m glad you are starting to feel better. Sounds like you have some great people around you to support you.

  • Emma Palmer

    I’m here if you ever want a brew and a chin wag – it’s a scary new chapter but honestly, from personal experience, it’s a eye-opener and things do get better. It’s never easy but it does get better – keep your head high and look forward to the future! xxx