The real reasons people aren’t playing Pokemon GO

You can’t escape it. It’s everywhere. Pokémon GO. You know the one I mean. The one causing people to walk around like zombies with their faces glued to their phone. And then causing other people to sit upon their high horse and tell people they’re “childish” or “geeks” for playing it. And these people might be getting their own way as I heard on the radio on Wednesday that Pokémon Go gameplay is down by 79%. A whopping 79%! I’ve been racking my brain to try and figure out why these people are so against Pokémon Go. I think I’ve cracked it…

WARNING: For those of  you that can’t pick up sarcasm, this post is sarcastic. I freakin’ love Pokemon GO. People should start playing it again. Please.

1. It’s free. And who wants something that’s free?! We work for our money goddamnit and we want to spend it on casinos, expensive food, unnecessary accessories and online gambling.

2. You get outdoors more. Sunlight, fresh air. Please, no. We can’t do that to ourselves.

3. It’s good exercise, but doesn’t feel like it. This app is fooling us into exercising and walking more. What an outrage. Our sofas and cars will feel left out, they’ll turn against us and take over the world, Christine-style.

4. You make friends. Yes, it’s easier to talk to strangers knowing they are fellow Pokémon catchers. But who wants friends? I don’t want to have to remember people’s names, and have them make me laugh, and work as a team to take over a gym. I can do this solo. I don’t need anyone to be nice to me, okay?!

5. It’s made a younger generation appreciate Pokémon. I’ve been a fan of Pokémon for years, but this outrageous app means that people born after the nineties are discovering the amazing pocket monsters now too. Well no. THEY’RE OURS, NOT YOURS.

6. People stopped worrying about the EU Ref outcome. Pokémon GO was conveniently released after the EU Referendum split the nation in half. The nation soon began to rekindle their solidarity by joining forces to catch Pokémon. We want people to be sad and angry again with lots of hateful, opinionated tweets flying around the web please.

7. It’s helped small businesses, libraries, charities and churches get noticed. They’re using Pokémon GO against us. We’re being tricked into entering places that give us knowledge, hobbies and the opportunity to help others. Totally immoral.

8. It’s fun. We need to be responsible. We cannot spend our time having fun. It’s positively scandalous. This happiness needs to stop.

Lol, I’m deffs totally joking. Anyone Team Instinct? 😎

  • I am totally playing and I am Team Instinct in Louisville, Kentucky USA. Just don't ask me how I managed to get all 4 regional exclusives (hey a disabled home-bound blogger has to do what she has to do). I currently only need a Muk and a Hitmonlee


  • Haha! This made me chuckle 🙂 I WOULD play Pokemon GO but my 8 yr old has hijacked it on my phone so now it's his game.. I wonder if the end of the school hols is one of the reasons that the amount it's being played has gone down?

  • I was all excited by Pokemon go but my phone's battery got worn out when I went out with the kids and after a couple more trips out they got bored or it and said there are so many people cheating that you can't win so what was the point.

  • After I caught the first Pokémon, you know, the one on the floor right in front of my sofa, it told me to go outside and explore my local area for more. I really hate the outside; genuinely. Which is why I don't play Pokémon Go. But I'm sure it's great, and I was massively into Pokémon as a kid! This post did make me chuckle… x x

  • I used to like this app until it started to be really glitchy!

    Heather | Of Beauty & Nothingness

  • I used to be obsessed with Pokemon go and I would spend ages walking around my town! But then my phone slowed down a lot and I had to uninstall it!

    Sarah | What Sarah Writes

  • Nono! It’s all about Team Mystic – The BF and I are still very much addicted to playing. So happy with the new additions to the game also. More people need to play again, it’s so much fun x